Each year since I was born
This Christmas season leaves me torn
There's always so much too enjoy
But what's there for a Jewish boy?
I wonder what's a Jew to do on Christmas
But think of all the fun he's missed
No mistletoe, no tree, No halls to deck for me
Passed over, not on Santa's list.
A dream come true for Jews on Christmas
Would be that ham is kosher for a day.
And if the powers that be Allow a shrimp or three
By me that would be quite okay
I'd like to ride along with Santa and with Donner
Slide down a chimney for a little late night snack.
What if this merry Christmas vibe
Makes me a goner From the tribe?
And what if the latkes and sour cream
Are not enough to get me back?
So here's my view of what to do on Christmas.
No matter how you may identify
Spin yourself silly like a dreydl,
Dish out eggnog with a ladle,
And Santa's never gonna pass you by
I guess that something I could do on Christmas
Would be to write a song for Christmas day
But I don't know if we need more,
I think it's all been done before
By Cahn, Berlin and Styne and Mel Torme
What else is there for me to do on Christmas
To really get me in the Christmas mood
Perhaps I'll go where Jews convene
I'll find a nearby movie screen
And after that, go out for Chinese food
I wanna open lots of presents Christmas morning
I'd like to have somebody stuff my stocking, too.
But if I do my rabbi might give me a warning
Or excommunicate me from the chosen few
So here's my view of what to do on Christmas.
Allow your troubles to be miles away,
Spin yourself silly like a dreydl,
Dish out eggnog with a ladle,
And one thing more, I think, that I should say
Don't mix the eggnog with the punch
Or you might lose your Christmas lunch
And be hungover until new years's day.